mama things....

I just need to take a minute to vent. In an effort to not take it out on my husband or kiddos I feel this may be the best place to relieve some stress. Here goes...

I am having a baby in 3 days...no for real...Im scheduled for a C Section on Tuesday the 21st. This last trimester of pregnancy actually has not been so bad, with my other 2 pregnancies I was already very uncomfortable and irritable by like week 36. I am just now starting to feel it. Well, it started last week at 38 weeks. I find my patience getting REALLY thin, and I pride myself on how much I usually have when it comes to kids and life etc. Not now...not these last two weeks. I love my kids, and my hubs, but a part of me is ready for the hospital stay that follows a C section b/c I will be alone...well, with my newest little one, but at least this one will sleep most the time, and cant yell at me or refuse to eat or trash my house etc. 

I find myself yelling at my kids over the stupidest little things. Things that would annoy me normally (like my kid taking the top off his cup and spilling milk all over my couch) are annoying me x10. I hate raising my voice, but it seems the only way to get through to them. And most the time THAT doesn't even work. They are 3.5 and 22 months and they don't take me seriously. 

My body is sore. Yesterday was the worst so far. I think I was having those lovely Braxton Hicks contractions for a good 3/4 of the day. It was a TV and do whatever you want day with my boys pretty much b/c I could barely move. I know they are small, and that "clean up" is a hard concept for them to grasp...(well my oldest knows what it means and how to do it, but its a constant battle and I usually end up just doing it, I know...bad idea) but I cant help but become annoyed by this either. I feel like this awful mom b/c as much as I love my kids...I want and need a break so bad.

Its not just them either...next rant: dear husband, who I love with ALL my being and it totally my best friend and partner in life...he either DOESN'T get how I feel...or he does but completely ignores it b/c its too much for him to handle. I am clearly uncomfortable, I have to take tubs like every nite to soak my aching hips and belly...yet he will watch me attempt to bend over to pick up toys, or slowly lower myself to the floor b/c bending is not an option. He will watch me carry our youngest upstairs, or carry laundry upstairs. He will sit on the couch while I clean up the kitchen after the dinner that I just cooked. I dont think he does it to be insensitive...I just really think he doesn't get it. He is so used to that being the norm...and b/c of that I get bitter. I dont usually say anything, I just wonder why on Earth he doesnt realize I could use help and ask. I WANT him to offer up some help...but there he sits, oblivious...playing on his phone, in front of the tv. Dont worry dear, I got it...again...like every freaking day and nite prior. WAKE UP HONEY!!!!! 

Anyways...again for the record...I LOVE my kids and I LOVE my husband. If it sounds like I am complaining...well I am lol...Im 39 weeks pregnant. If you have been pregnant before I guarantee you know where Im coming from. 

For times like this I turn to things that could perhaps help me to calm the heck down. Today I pulled out some essential oils, a book and a beverage. I sat on the couch while one kid napped and the other kept himself busy. There were dishes to do and laundry to be folded but I left it. Which is hard for me b/c I get slight anxiety thinking of a dirty sink and unfolded clothes. But I have learned after kids that sometimes it is ok to say NO. I dont take enough time for me as I should...it is really tough to fit it in. The hubs finds a reason to be gone most the day (its lay off season for construction which means goof off time for him) Shit sorry...theres that bitterness happening again. 

I did manage to get my toes done this am before getting on the operating table Tuesday. I got a whole hour and a half to myself. 

As soon as I was home the hubs took off to "go wash the dog beds at the laundry mat" it has been 5 hours and I still haven't seen him. (See what I mean? I seriously needed to vent b/c I might lose it on someone else)

So here we are....2.5 days til baby.  I can only imagine what life will be like once this little comes home with us. I cannot wait to meet baby...and I am blessed to have the family that I do. But sometimes mama life gets to me (gets to us all) and I have to step back and take a breath or 3...I have never felt stress like I have the last 3 years since becoming a mom. Its mostly good times...but I never truly knew what true stress was until parenthood.  I hope sanity finds me soon lol.

much love...            

hello January !

it finally feels like winter here in the eastern part of my home state. it has been snowing the better part of 4 hours. its gray outside but it sure does look pretty. the mood is totally set right now: one kid is napping, one is having his quiet time in his room with the ipad, and the hubs got called out to plow. not that i love that part, i miss the days of getting snowed in with him and having cocktails and watching movies...but its quiet here! 

my kids will be down here shortly and the loveliness will be interrupted...but for now i am enjoying and soaking up every second. 

 

mmmmmmmmmm

if youre having a snow day/nite...I hope youre enjoying it!

xo

30 DAYS OF HYGGE CHALLENGE

happy new year!!

 i recall posting last year about how i dont make resolutions. that much has not changed. i dont make resolutions because i cannont commit to a year long promise. things and situations happen and sometimes it gets in the way. i instead like to make goals and set them for a shorter time frame to see if i can actually stick with them. i find it more fun, and more likely for me to achieve them this way. 

there are a few things i have in mind already but im going to only mention one. and you are welcome to try this along with me! if you read my last post, i mentioned the word HYGGE which is the danish word that basically means "cozy". it is a lifestyle that they believe in and follow regularly in denmark. without knowing it prior, we are already pretty "hyggeligt" in our home. i am totally one of those people that in the colder months would rather stay in, curl up by the woodstove with a mug of tea or coffee, a book or a good movie. i like our living room to especially give off that vibe when you walk in it. my kitchen and our bedrooms can be whatever lol...but i ALWAYS make sure the living room is clean and cozified. when i watched a show on the "danes" and then read a couple books about this wonderful word it became clear to me that it is EXACTLY what i strive for. so, if you have not heard of it, look it up. read some blogs, it honestly makes me want to move to Denmark lol. everything feels so rushed here...

i mean, how can you not love this...

ANYWAY: i am a member of some HYGGE groups on facebook and i follow a few blogs. there was a post put up called "30 days of hygge challenge" and it is for the month of january. every day you have a new task. and if nothing else, it is the perfect excuse to open up the mind and get creative, or have some personal time, etc...lets get to the challenge:

 as of right now i should be up to day 3...i def have not been up to see the sunrise (ooops...but im 7 months pregnant and i deal with a 3 and 1 yr old all day...im tiiiiiiirrred lol) maybe ill fit in somewhere;)

i do have a journal, but what i was thinking was trying to document via the blog b/c it might keep me on track more than doing it during the day elsewhere. i dunno...maybe ill just write in the journal and share it in a photo post. i am going to start this TONITE folks. i got my kids in bed early, the hubs is deep into "outside tv" so i have some time. im pumped. take a look at some of these...this should be no problem. Day 16..."can you wear slippers all day?" Are you giving me permission 30 day challenge? b/c i totally will lol. 

i personally feel like this is a good beginning to 2017...at least for me. like i said i need to start small. vowing to do something for a whole year, at the BEGINNING of the year just does not work for me. the only commitment im really good at is being faithful to my husband haha, other than that...not so much. if you are like me, maybe this is a good first step for you. feel free to follow along as i attempt the next 30 days.

side note: if you are interested in this concept of HYGGE, here are some great books to get you started. I have read the first two and am expecting the "little book" soon (I won a signed copy!!!)

have a great nite!!

xo